Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
