Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
