She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
