There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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