im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
