Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
