That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
