My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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