I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize