I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
