so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
