The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize