i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
