ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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