batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize