My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
