A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
