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Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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