This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Pooping to opera.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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