I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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