And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
