wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
