You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
