When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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