can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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