Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
