I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
