I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't notice because vodka
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
