If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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