Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
