You really coming over, don't trick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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