If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
