Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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