I met the friendliest cop last night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize