your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was confusing and full of hummus
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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