My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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