I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
