you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
