So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
