I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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