I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
