Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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