If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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