Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
