Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
