I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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