My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
