Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
