yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
