Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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