Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my liver is dry heaving
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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