We're like a lot better than the average bears
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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