ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
