Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
