It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
