he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
