Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
