and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
