You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
