Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't put those talents on a resume
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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