Tell her she can't have a vagina
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
