He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
zippers are such a cool invention
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
