Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I checked into jail on foursquare
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
