The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
