capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
