none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
