She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
