so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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