i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize