I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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