I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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