note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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