Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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