She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
