I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
