I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
