she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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